I signed up for this blog oh-so-long ago, and just like so many other things in my life, I haven't finished it. Let alone started it. A few things had held me back. I wasn't sure how much of my personal life I was willing to post on here. Not the fear of hiding anything, but the fear of offending anyone that comes up in the hilarious and not-so-hilarious stories I am dying to share. These stories past and present are what have shaped me into the person I am now. As I have found my self in a sticky situation, and I am not able to write in my notebook as often as I would like (My 1 year old will not allow it) it is much quicker for my to type in 10 minutes than it is to write it out. Writing is therapy - by my standards - maybe not yours, but it is a release that I can achieve without having to poor my heart out to a friend who is more than likely sick to death of listening to me. Trust me, I've always got something to say or a story to relate.
So, here goes nothing. I haven't done my research the way I probably should have to teach myself how the fuck you are to blog. Wait, that's another one of those things in life I was suppose to get around to. But I am the kind of girl that enjoys to stand at the plate without a bat. It makes life a lot more interesting. I believe though, that I should be introducing myself. Although I feel like I am conducting a cover letter to a seeking employer with all the glitz and polished bull shit I can feed them just to skimp through my resume. (Do you feel a little heat with that? - That's one I will get to later.) I'll try and leave the turd as unpolished and real as possible. After all, you'll figure it all out sooner or later if you keep reading, right?
I am 25 years old, mothering a daughter who has taught me more about myself and life in 1 year than I had in my pinky toe for 24 years. Oh ya, and I'm the girlfriend of a man that I tripped in love with. Unfortunately, that trip has left some refuse to heal wounds that have festered for 3 years strong now. Rewind 5 years, and I would say I love to party, I drink beer and a lot of it, I never turn down a shot, I double dog dare you to have a booty shaking dance off with me!! Because white girl wasted was the way of life. I had no real responsibilities, and always had someone there to pick up the tornado of what was left with the night after I was finished with it - and only when I was finished. It was time to fight if you tried to prevent the tornado.
Picking up the pieces is what family does for the kid that has a mother in and out of her life, and prison. A father that loves her and will always open his wallet, but never "save" her. I had an excuse. And I fucking banked on that excuse over and over again. It still works from time to time, but not because I am expecting it or trying to play the card. Simply because family also knows when times are tough, they are tough and they are even tougher when you finally realize that the excuse you banked on for so long is the reason you are in your position today. Sad story really, but like I just texted to my step mom - once you hit bottom, the only way to go is up. That's what I am doing. I don't give a flying rats ass if I'm jumping, swimming, leaping, climbing my way to up - I will get there. I guess I had that day, the day you say; "Self, this is bullshit. And you're not going to do it anymore." So that's what I am doing - not doing it anymore.
Please tell me you are asking how in the fuck I sunk to the bottom. If you're not, I'm screwed. But in the hopes that you are I believe that it is the best to start from the beginning. That's how my favorite childhood movie "Now & Then" starts. They are all grown up and lifes has them by the crotch, but you have to go back to the beginning in Gaslight Square housing editions to learn how they came to today... Yes, that was a horrible fucking analogy, but I'm keeping it.
In between changing diapers, cooking breakfast, being the tickle monster and watching Bubble Guppies I am going to MAKE the time to write as pretty of a portrait as possible to take you back to 1999, 7th grade. My first kiss and my last day of summer school. The defining moment in a girls life when you realize you like boys, and you like a whole lot more than you ever thought. Boys, sex, gossip and drugs brought me to today, but it all started with one boy a walk to my bus and one kiss, with a side of tongue.
